On Fear and Death

The sort of post that anyone who thinks too much for their own good, must eventually tolerate and write.

It was warm, friendly, if slightly unfamiliar setting; the scent of cheese and red wine, good conversations and banter. Rather Jovial. Up until, someone probed - on what one’s greatest fear could be.

Common fears bandied around the table included death (which was later clarified as the awareness of death), insignifiance (or legacy, as I term it), loneliness (which again, was discussed under the context of the solitude and highly individualised experience of one’s own death)

As much as I have contemplated and meditated one a wide range of topics, the question of Fear was one that I struggled to have a ready answer immediately. An important question - as I intuitively believe that the answer beneath this drives a lot of fundamental behaviours and actions in how we live our lives, whether concious or subconcious.

I also believe that dreams can be ultimately categorised into desires and fears. The things, the moments that we crave and what we worry about the most. It’s not a watertight belief, but it helps explain.

I find it rather interesting, that death was frequently cited as either the dominant cause or in something that was highly interrelated with it.

Indeed, there is a general concern of death as the phenomena in itself (whether of one’s own or other individuals close to the person), or that the finitude of life forces a mark to be left and a craving for legacy. Momento Mori, death awareness, seems to be a primal driving force around this.

Of course, one could broadly explain it from an evolutionary point of view - that we all have inbuilt mechanisms to survive and avoid death: fear is a great tool to have to avoid this.

As an investigation into the topic of death, I was reminded by another friend, who went down the deep, dark, youtube hole, where a subgenre of death documentaries turned out to be a popular thing. Vlogs of individuals facing terminal illnesses, some more debilitating than others. But there was a common trend: most vlogs would heavily involve the patient’s friends and family. It could have been a bit biased: some in their final stages required caretakers, something

On an individual level, its a topic worth answering, given its subtle capacity to influence our choices and actions. Similar to past views on religon (peace), and other reflections, an investigation is warranted.

And what is it that I fear the most?

Is it at the point of Death itself? Perhaps not - as I neither fear the storied fears of the afterlife. A state of nothingness neither bliss nor suffering, is not something I fear.

Is it the pain of going through the process itself? Perhaps - a loss of quality of life is an even greater worry

Or is it something else related to the span of life. Likely - and so is the pursuit of something. More than the food in the mouth or the air that i breathe. Does the question persit and belie.

Fear and life married in one. As is the abandonment of fear; to live a live fearlessly.