There is a increasing trend nowadays of people in my generation that don’t want children. Climate change, and not being able to give them the best are often cited as reasons - but I struggle to completely wrap my head around it. I don’t believe this choice is rational one at all, and points towards deeper emotional reasons.
Its a challenging question and a topic that crops up, and so, in line with the purpose of this blog (sinplifying complex questions into distilled answers/ framework), I discuss it here too.
I can’t rationalise why I want children, but it seems to be a function of:
- A deep rooted scientific belief that the point of existence is for the progeny;
- A deep rooted sense of tradition to carry on the bloodloine (as the oldest male in this family line)
as well as a psychological background of: 3. Having a good upbringing in a stable family 4. Financial stability and ability
But I see others going on the path of parenthood, and am in no doubt that its a tough thing. With the loss of ego and identity, pressures on time, pressures on the success of the children as well. It means loss of our individual quality of life, and giving in / committing to a multiyear journey for something above oneself, encapsulated in the instituion of a family.
I would have to remind myself to be critically aware to distance the “success” of a child from my own egos. I see it too often in the societal pressures on children, and I think it brings all matter of shames, unmet expectations, fear for the future, which only serves as an added extention to the already busy and complex individual lives we lead.
Like my other posts, I look back in history too: and I don’t think there were materially significant reasons why people didn’t have children. If one believes that carnal urges are not controllable, then the choice to have children (at a time of zero contraceptives) is not a choice at all.
But the time and context were substantially different back then. I ultimately think the question to have children is the ability and bravery to sacrifice of our individual quality of life for something preciously fragile and uncertain. Without its necessity - its the ultimate fear of unknown, or ultimate hope for a greater love.