This was written on a return plane ride from a Hong Kong work trip to Singapore around 10 Feb 2023.
A philosophical post as a I find myself, tired, occupied and worried over numerous journeys in the last week. Being out of one’s homeland, being out of one’s comfort zone, being forced to deliver and achieve (but by whom - is yet another philosophical question).
This post was spurred once again by my good friend, my best friend. Who in the path of solace, had begun to unravel the mysteries of the self.
Interesting yet impactful. For we often judge and assess the virtue of self-awareness. And yet, t inquire into the self, can too easily be a boundless abyss of though. Better suited for the ramblings of a free-flowing mind, in a stupor of stress or alcohol, than it is an academic, well thought out piece.
Belief
We observed that the understanding of Self begins a sense of belief. Of truths that one holds, of opinions one feels.
Some can be created by others. Some can be created by gods created by others.
Who are we, but vessels of our own thoughts, and actions in the mere split second of time in the existence of the universe?
And so indeed, the focus and pursuit of my own truths (as documented in this blog) can be seen as an accidental step into developing my own self. I am enriched by the clarity of some of my thinking - not because they are loosely held opinions or factoids, but because they are grounded in my own soul as things I’ll feel intensely strongly about, and can truly call my own.
Even if some of these may not be original - I am sure that something, someone out there had,can and will type out the same concepts word for word. I take ownership of my own thoughts because they were created by me. Not inherited.
Though we often stand on the shoulders of giants, and take humility in it - it is equally the trap of imposter syndrome that destroys the ability to nurture said Sense of Self.
Being one with oneself
But i reflect that the construction of self has to start somewhere. As a start, many people in the world may not be self aware to begin with, and that in its own right takes time, cultivation if its ever even achieved.
Others, like myself I find, am disposed to find time by myself, thus, understanding over time, my desires, my triggers, my joys, my pains. To strive towards being in check and in control, where possible.
Mastering oneself
Being in control of onself is an inhuman phenomena I would think. I still think humans are animals to a large degree. We’re primed for emotional and survival responses, which grates against the need for selfcontrol.
In response, we apply and figure out ways to manage our emotions, push our strengths and accept our weaknesses. The discipline which I would loosely wrap around mental-health offers all kinds of tips and tricks to process such things.
But these tools and systems for repeatability demands logic, and logic demands objectivity. When applied enough times, one begins to separate from oneself. We peer into our minds like a therapist; we take a look at ourselves through a mirror; we console ourselves as a friend. I’ve observed that the abstraction of ourselves from our-self results in a higher degree of control.
And it is at that moment that we develop a core sense of self-belief. Blessing us with the ability to tell ourselves what to do.
The end result is us not only being a friend of our own , but being the master, the puppeteer, and ultimately the controller of self and destiny.
Self mastery requires self awareness, self diagnosis, self direction, and I hope that one day, I will attain the self-assuredness, the peace to exist in an ever changing world. (link post to peace)
Dispositions towards Sense of self
Inherent traits that enabled me to find myself (ugh so cringe saying “find myself”).
I don’t think there ever is a clear recipe to develop this. Every person is unique. But there are some elements that, upon looking back, have nudged me into this direction.
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I’m just a very individual person, and being a introvert helps, I suppose. I am comfortable spending time with myself;
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Hardwired to survive - makes sense biologically, I don’t get people who are too carefree;
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Ive had little socio-culutral norms: Never had a relgion, never had a strong national identity - so I just define what makes sense to me, by myself, for myself;
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I’m disposed to the utilitarian and stoic philosophy to suffer. Buddhism too. I, in understanding myself, know that my mind likes to suffer and worry. I’ve accepted that. So i don’t avoid suffering. I try to control it. Simply put, I try my best to control myself, in whatever environment I’m thrown into.