I was in the sea today. And saw the buoys bobbing. I set a target; an unconcious marker to swim to before returning to shore.
And while swimming, I we were boats, travailing on the open sea. But in the ocean - the winds buffet and blow. Mother nature is unpredictable.
And so we need an anchor. Or anchor_s_, as I shall explain:
Support systems
There are many theories around us humans as social creatures.
That no man (or woman) can go at it alone.
That behind every strong man is a strong woman (or man, god I’m so progressive waow)
Teamwork makes the dream work
But human vulnerability is a real thing, and in the pursuit of self discovery and self mastery, others have played and will continue to play a huge role in this.
But a realisation I had was that (as a single guy), a support system is exactly a system - with are multiple actors, interrelations and at times, a non-linear complexity to it. I would still theorise - that even with a life-partner, we are too complex for a single actor to be a sole pillar of support. (interested to see this challenged, I come from an urban / fast paced environment).
It stems from a belief that - even with trust in place, we show different people different dimensions of our self. Each dimension of us have different needs, comfort levels, and connections looking for a tether. I picture a neural synapse, grasping out into the void, and wishing for something to snag on.
Parents, siblings, family and friends may play different roles in our lives, but combined, they can cover all parts, insecurities and weaknesses of one.
And I find these to be without limits (especially with the global reach of technology). I termed these as Allies in my previoist post.
Despite them being spread out across the world - a video or voice call is so easy to get to. Good allies can be nostalgically distant, but are unshaken by awakward pretense of it all.
It doesn’t matter. The support is here. Its now. and just when one needs it.
Finitude
But allies are not immortal. And the closer the friendship, the bond - the greater the pain of loss. There is a transiency to such Support Systems too. Change happens, whether within our control, or not. This thinking was discussed around a single word a good friend shared with me: Finitude. Simple in its meaning, powerful in its concept.
Its the eventuality of the end.
It pushes us and our egos to do more in pursuit of glory. Or to make our time meaningful. Perhaps to leave a legacy.
And this can be traced back to the finitude of it all, and the importance that people play in self-satisfying our selves (ego), as much as we are a part of their lives too. We can be lonely at times, but to be lonely with a support system made all the difference - I remain comforted by the presence and solidity of others, even if they may not be there in person.
The Royal Court of Support
(To be envisaged with fan-cey medieval court)
If we were all the kings and yaaas queens of our own court.
I would seek a gluttonous chef to serve and eat the best goddam food; A cold viceroy to keep us grounded; A jester to make us all laugh; A lover; A bodyguard for security and protection; A matron, to care for the child within us. A wiseman, for distilled, sharp advice; A friendly rival, to keep us both on our toes; A patient listener; a shoulder to cry on - with a heart full of sympathy; A seneschal to tidy up our domestic affairs; A free-spirit; for reckless adventure
… there are plenty more, but this would be a good start.
Who is in your court?
I also want to contemplate on how could I be a stronger pillar of support for others. To be that comfort zone for others. I’m not likely to be the jester. But a trusted advisor. I’d to be thought of that way.